Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The Curious Case of Oprah and the Incredibly Shrinking Actresses

I figured out why all of these actresses are getting super skinny.
People say it's drugs or eating disorders, which may be the case. However for one to suddenly go into these activities to such extreme measures, there must be an underlying cause. Something that drives them to this.
I'm proud to say, I've discovered this cause.

I blame Oprah. That's right, Oprah.
We need to bring back fat oprah.
By getting skinny, Oprah has thrown off a delicate balance.
Whether she likes it or not, Oprah's name is associated with weight.
This means that she is a benchmark for others. They decide if they look skinny not by looking in a mirror, but by looking at Oprah. So if she's skinny, actresses have to be super skinny. An actress goes on Oprah and she'll think, "OMG! I'm the size of Oprah!" This traumatic event will cause them to take extreme measures to lose enough weight so that the proportion between them and Oprah is back to normal (roughly about 5 dress sizes). As you can see, this can be quite hazardous to this nation's young starlets.
So as soon as Oprah fattens up again, actresses can comfortably be a normal size and feel thin again.
If Oprah puts back on 10 lbs then Lohan can do the same.
So please Bring Back Fat Oprah before it's too late.
Hesitate one day and we may lose Lohan.
Hesitate two days, there goes Nicole Richie.
Three days...good bye Mary-Kate.
The list will go on and on, unless Oprah hits the Krispy Kremes.


At 10:40 PM, Blogger lindsey said...

i actually feel like nicole may be starting to surpass mk in twigginess. intervention. STAT.


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