Wednesday, June 16, 2004

This can only hurt Kobe's testimony.

Most of the time I'm all for athletes talking all they want. You're sure to get some real gems. But if you're in Kobe's situation, just keep your mouth shut. Don't you know the Miranda Rights? Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. This is pretty much how I see things going now...

Eagle County, CO
Kobe is on the Stand, being cross-examined by the Prosecuting Attorney.

Attorney: Mister Bryant, did you or...
Kobe: I only want to be Kobe. (winks and smiles)
Attorney: Okay... Kobe, did you or did you not guarantee that the Lakers would win game 5?
Kobe: I promised?
Attorney: I quote from your press interview 'we'll win Tuesday.'
Kobe: I'll go with that. It's fine with me. We don't have a choice. We've got to win.
Attorney: Well, you lost. Making you a lair. And now you expect us to believe you, when you tell us you're innocent?
Kobe: I'm innocent, you know. I didn't force her to do anything against her will. I'm innocent.
Attorney: Is that a guarantee?
Kobe: I'll go with that. It's fine with me. We don't have a choice. We've got to win.
Attorney: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, Kobe made a promise to you people that he would win game 5. What did he do? He lied. And now he sits here, making another guarantee to you. History has shown that he cannot be trusted. The court has proven to you, that he is a liar. Now I ask of you; are you going to let him get away with it again? What do you have to say for yourself Kobe?
Kobe: I just have so much energy. It was either go home or be the goalkeeper.

The courtroom explodes with shocked reactions.
The Judge pounds his gavel, trying desperately to restore order.

Court Recesses.

The Press interviews a couple of Kobe's teammates.

Press: Given his history as a liar, do you think Kobe is guilty?
Karl Malone: History wasn't one of the subjects in college I liked. I'm not a big history buff.

Press: Did Kobe do it?
Shaq: That's sort of a trick question and I don't have a trick answer.

Press: It's a simple question Shaq, yes or no?
Shaq: It is simple. And if you don't stick to simplicity, you'll die a horrible death.

Press: Do you think Kobe will be found guilty?
Shaq: That question is a lot like my game. Which is like the Pythagorean Theorem. Nobody knows the answer.

Man, I can't wait for this trail to start.

Kobe: How 'bout I buy you all rings, and we make this all go away? La: You could have just won us rings instead. Posted by Hello


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