Thursday, June 17, 2004

Who's that on the Short Yellow Bus?

Not Method Man or Redman. And anyone that saw the premiere of Method and Red last night knows why. This show is all about learning. It's like the new Sesame Street, but with weed and hoochies and flatscreen tvs everywhere. If you missed the show, let me recap the valuable lessons I learned.

1. Don't feed Goldfish Alka Seltzer. (even if they look sick, because it will make them explode.)

2. Respect your Momma. (even if she's an uptight white momma, because don't no one look out for you like your moms.)

3. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything. (and if you don't you're a quitter, and deserve a good smack upside the head from your momma.)

4. White People Love Fruit Cake. (It's their snack of choice.)

5. Don't Sleep with White Chicks. (they didn't explain why, but I'm not gonna question Meth's momma. Maybe all that fruitcake makes them gassy.)

6. Be Good to your Neighbors. (especially if you just threw a huge party, and are trying not to get evicted from the neighborhood.)

7. Duracell Batteries are the Only Batteries Bon Jovi uses in His Microphone When He Goes on Tour. (and subsequently the only ones you should use too. Okay, I learned this during a commercial, but still it was a lesson learned so I'm passing it along.)

8. Once you Start Talking, No One Can Decide Anything Until You Stop. It's a Filibuster. (you can invoke the right of a filibuster no matter where you are. Just go Mr. Smith on 'em all.)

9. You Got to Stick up for Yourself. (if someone gets in your face, don't step down. Raise that pimp hand.)

10. Redman loves Fried Meatloaf. (so if your inviting people over to have fried meatloaf, make sure Redman didn't eat it first. Chances are he probably did.)

That's a lesson every 3 minutes. You could learn a lot from these guys. I did.

That expression can only mean one thing: Offscreen Hoochies. Posted by Hello


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