How Many Times do I have to tell you?

Stay away from Affleck!
He's no longer a lovable matinee star you wish could be your best friend.
He's a brain-eating zombie, and getting close to him will only turn you into the same. Luckily for most of you, Affleck is not around. However, he is around celebrities. Celebrities do not read "The Swass Report" and are apparently too stupid to realize that Affleck is a mindless zombie. Therefore, they continue to hang around him.
His latest victim seems to be Elisha Cuthbert. Which is a shame, because I rather liked her.
So please, if you know any celebrities, tell them to stay away from Ben Affleck unless they wish to become part of his Celebrity Zombie Posse.

Another celebrity turns to the Zombie side, thanks no doubt to Zombie Affleck and his Celebrity Zombie Posse.