Like Milli Vanilli, I shall Blame it on the Rain.
Because that's all it's been doing out here lately, and it seems to make everyone stupid. Henceforth, I could totally get away with a bunch of crap simply by blaming it on the rain. For example, there's another onion bagel mixed in with the rest of them today. I could open the window to get the pungent onion smell out of the kitchen and the bagels would all get soggy and someone would slip on the wet floor while holding a knife they were going to use to cut a bagel and accidentally stab the idiot that bought onion bagels in the first place. And who would be at fault? No one. The rain caused it.