Thursday, April 28, 2005


There's a place to see different people all wearing the same shirt.
And that place is here -
(the place is there. There just aren't any photos yet. But someday... someday my dream will be realized.)

This is what it was like when I blew Macchio's mind with this idea:

Me: "What do you think of that?"

Ralph: (surprise and awe) "whaaa?" Posted by Hello

See...even Ralph Macchio is stunned by how awesome this is going to be.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Where have all the Big Boys gone?

It seems that with less Bob's Big Boy restaurants around these days, that the giant statue must have gone somewhere.

It seems that this place does exist and it's in Detroit.
Welcome to the "Big Boy Graveyard".

Friday, April 22, 2005

Zombie Affleck Strikes Again!

Zombie Affleck isn't holding up so well anymore, but he's been on a rampage of brain eating. His jaw no longer holds to his face straight, and he always wears a hoodie. Possibly due to the fact that his head is decaying and there's no other way to disguise it.

Apparently Zombie Affleck has taken to playing guitar on the street. However, it's a well known fact that zombies cannot play the guitar, so this is just another clever trick of his to get people to come close so that he may eat their brains. Either that or it got stuck to his hand after attacking a victim and his zombie brain can't figure out how to remove it without accidentally tearing off his decaying arm. Either way, if you have a friend that drools a lot, seems a bit slow today, has a chunk of flesh missing, and claims to have lost a guitar; I suggest you stay away. Zombie Affleck already got to him, there's nothing you can do now.

On this note, the producers of this movie missed the chance to cast Zombie Affleck in his first Zombie role. Which would have added a lot of realism to the film, but it probably would have been hell for the extras.

Don't be fooled by Zombie Affleck... Posted by Hello

He will not play you a song. Posted by Hello

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Macchio, Macchio Man....

I want to be, a Macchio Man.
And now you can be!

Check out the newest shirt at Randy and Moss.

Wax on, wax off y'all.
I have a fence to paint and a deck to sand.

Do you want to be a Macchio Man? Posted by Hello

Friday, April 15, 2005

We call ourselves AWESOME

Check out the new logo for my band AWESOME. We play hair metal and do kicks and jumps and have big guitar solos and drum solos. Basically we do everything that bands these days don't do. Standing still on stage is fine if you sing well, but since we don't, we put on a show. And dressing like everyone that comes to see you is fine if you don't want to be put upon a pedestal and be worshipped. Go ahead and do that. Let them worship us instead, because we believe in the days when rockstars existed and you could spot them from a mile away.
We have one small setback right now, but we problem solved it.
The problem is until we start playing bigger venues, we can't do pyrotechnics. We don't want to have a Great White moment. So until that day comes, we just videotape pyro and project it onto the stage.
Just to give you an idea of just how AWESOME we are, I'll tell you the title of our first single.
It's called "Devil in my Pants".
AWESOME, indeed.

We are the greatest band you've never heard. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Swass Fact #5

Never trust a Zombie!

Monday, April 04, 2005

How Many Times do I have to tell you?

Stay away from Affleck!
He's no longer a lovable matinee star you wish could be your best friend.
He's a brain-eating zombie, and getting close to him will only turn you into the same. Luckily for most of you, Affleck is not around. However, he is around celebrities. Celebrities do not read "The Swass Report" and are apparently too stupid to realize that Affleck is a mindless zombie. Therefore, they continue to hang around him.
His latest victim seems to be Elisha Cuthbert. Which is a shame, because I rather liked her.
So please, if you know any celebrities, tell them to stay away from Ben Affleck unless they wish to become part of his Celebrity Zombie Posse.

Another celebrity turns to the Zombie side, thanks no doubt to Zombie Affleck and his Celebrity Zombie Posse. Posted by Hello

Zombie vs. Giant: Who will prevail?

Zombie Affleck has an enemy. Giant,Michael Clarke Duncan, is telling everyone that Zombie Affleck has a wee one. I can only expect this to end in death for one of these freaks of nature. I'm putting my money on Zombie Affleck. He's already been undead for quite sometime now and still seems to be in pretty good shape (in terms of not decomposing too much). He's also got a growing legion of zombie celebrities that may come to his defense if he decides to play dirty. And if there is one thing I've learned in life, it would have to be: Never trust a zombie. Add the fact the all Zombie Affleck has to do is bite the Giant, and it looks pretty grim for MCD.

"Stop saying bad things about my wee-wee," is what Affleck would be saying if he weren't a zombie. But he is, so instead he just yelled, "BRAINS!" Posted by Hello